Relieving the Pressure

I think often about how things might be someday - when we allow people to be who they want to be without pressure. There are many people, in fact some that you know, who have a secret. These people believe that if they told you their secret, how you think about them, how you treat them would change.

They are probably not wrong. Chances are that a majority of people still have left-over stereotypes of people who do not conform. There is constant pressure to be the model student, 'boy,' 'girl,' or church member. Pressure like this comes at a price. In Utah, where I currently reside, statistics show that the suicide rate is much higher than the national average. For males between the ages of 15-44 the leading cause of death is suicide. The same age bracket for females is four times the national average. Utah leads the nation in suicides.

And still, we have places like 'Evergreen.' A private therapy center that treats LDS people dealing with same-sex attraction believes that 'same-sex attraction is not in keeping with the gospel and should be avoided.'

Steve availed himself of the services of this company, not church owned although the church refers people to them. I think that this company existing at all says a mouthful! You can watch his video on youtube in which he states that of a group of 15 men in his therapy group, 5 have committed suicide. (35 years of Prayer couldn't get rid of my homosexuality.)

It is all in the success! To some people, success means still living like a 'normal' person. Even if you feel gay, stay married and don't act on any tendencies that you might have. Keep plugging along!

It is sad that there is no room for personal happiness in that equation. Happiness is sacrificed for the attainment of richer goals beyond this life, I suppose. Although I was raised with the catchphrase of: Men are that they might have joy.

I think that if there were supposed to be qualifications to that statement they would have been made at the same time of the original statement. Something like: "Men are that they might have joy, as long as they don't do anything that the church disapproves of."

I think of all the people who have died, taking their secrets to their grave, realizing that 'Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.' ~Henry David Thoreau

I think it is time to relieve the pressure. Let your neighbor have whatever experience he/she wants to with his/her God of choice. (I grew up being taught the concept of religious tolerance also.) Ultimately, what anyone else does is their own responsibility. I've got enough stuff to be responsible for in my own life. I don't need to unnecessarily burden myself with what perceived actions/events someone else makes.

Another great phrase I grew up with: 'Allow evil.' I think we are really good at allowing all the things we think are good. We are just not always as talented at allowing things we think are evil. It's right there in the New Testament, right after the part that says to turn the other cheek. 'Allow evil.' We don't notice it, because it is too hard to get past the turning the other cheek thing.

I think that if we allow good, then the rest of it is just: 'Allow.'

Allow the good, the bad and the neutral. Allow the rain, the snow, the sunshine. Allow the growth of new leaves each spring and allow the decomposing of dead animals on the side of the road. Allow other people their journey. Allow. (Don't judge, don't notice the mote in their eye.) Allow.

If my intent is to be happy, then I allow other people to live their lives. That's how you take the pressure off. Be happy and allow.

Coming Out!

I have a nephew who has been trying to 'come out' for quite some time now. I admire his bravery in this respect, knowing that there are many people who would rather spout the pre-programmed slurs, jokes, religious programming and homophobia than come up with their own opinion.

I have quite a few opinions of my own, which I found after I let go of the pre-programmed ones I grew up with. Liberating, at the very least, I'd say.

And my one question through it all is, why do people have to explain their sexuality? And why is it only the minority who have to explain? Why is it that we have to teach people to withhold who they are?

Can you imagine saying to Beethoven, "Don't play/write music, and we'll guarantee you a spot in heaven." Or to Bill Gates, "Don't go near computers, and we'll like you as one of us." In other words, "Don't be who you are."

People are better when they don't have to hide. The world is better when people don't hide. And chances are, someone in your life is hiding a secret from you because they have heard your opinions on a matter that concerns them, and they would rather not have to deal with the drama. Statistics estimate that one in ten people have a secret of major proportions.

I have a friend with nine children and harsh opinions. With 11 people in her immediate family, (nine children, two parents) she is due for a major shift when someone tells her a secret in the future. I hope she is ready for that time.

I support coming out! I support who you want to be, do or have. I support the way you want to live your life.

Bless us all.